even in the silence of the wilderness; thrive

unrely on ignorant accusations,

for only they color poisonous thoughts with blissful fantasies and grand delusions

[stroked with delicate precision of ink tainted with heartaches blood]

marked unfit for those thriving nakedly under the truthful sun

 

and

deception, which can feed never on the freedom,

of those sincere in seeking all which cannot fade,

will touch you if you let it

 

 

even in the silence of the wilderness; thrive

fight, i wish there was

i always thought happiness was unreachable, so deep into the cosmos i would never be able to catch a glimpse of it, but through circumstances that appeared to lead to but one outcome – heartache – i have instead found the unthinkable; happiness.

if you do not believe in happiness, how could I ever bring you joy

if you cannot bear the thought of loving yourself, how could you expect to find the love for loving me

if you will not sacrifice your lonely heart, why then, should i place mine within your hands

if you are unwilling to fight the good fight, I’m sorry love, you’ll never win

[how can a lonely boy ever expect to please a willing woman]

healing, is my heart, for part of it is with you.

although i could convince myself that backwards is somewhere i’d never go, one kiss could bring me to my knees.

we call her beautiful.

i once fashioned this innocent game of connect the dots- a silly picture of my life and the way it would be. somehow, plans turned forgotten and every unplan decided to show up and make home within my life. the only flaw within my portrait stemmed from a simple misunderstanding and common misuse of one word followed by another, my life. attaching life to mine was something i never considered or questioned, but in the hardest of ways i have learned life is everything but something to call my own. we cannot plan our births and through unexplainable experience, the death i planned or suddenly decided on did not occur. accepting the idea surrounding my lack of control is still a struggle.

this is hard

sobering

and quite frankly, this fucking sucks.

but every breath we are undeservingly given will be one i try not to take for granted.

in the most beautiful of all ways, i almost missed the simple glory of her wings. somewhere, i was given breath enough to finally see. for this, nothing could replace my thankfulness.

curses of the dragon and heartache

betrayed by my own indifference’s

i am tethered to the chaotic bliss

of questions i dare not ask

[for quiet fear] of answers that may sever

the very thread which poisons my heart

 

i recall the intense release

driven by the madness of the dull needle

you plunged within my veins

opening my eyes to a darkness so selfish,

it remains unspoken

 

i cringe at the memories,

wishing i had known then

what i bleed for now

 

cursed by the dragon

cursed by the heartache

you politely caressed me with,

sulking in every syllable

which once left me breathless

 

i am cursed by the curse of the inability to open my worn heart and set you free

[for this, i can only blame myself]