my betrayal leaves me indecisive

my betrayal leaves me indesicive
once wrapped in kisses, I let you go
if I had known the taste of his lips
never would my curiosity be for yours

I now seek the comfort of happiness,
which he is willing to give,
as you no longer carry my thoughts-
and only my fault this becomes

darling, so sorry.

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even in the silence of the wilderness; thrive

unrely on ignorant accusations,

for only they color poisonous thoughts with blissful fantasies and grand delusions

[stroked with delicate precision of ink tainted with heartaches blood]

marked unfit for those thriving nakedly under the truthful sun

 

and

deception, which can feed never on the freedom,

of those sincere in seeking all which cannot fade,

will touch you if you let it

 

 

even in the silence of the wilderness; thrive

we call her beautiful.

i once fashioned this innocent game of connect the dots- a silly picture of my life and the way it would be. somehow, plans turned forgotten and every unplan decided to show up and make home within my life. the only flaw within my portrait stemmed from a simple misunderstanding and common misuse of one word followed by another, my life. attaching life to mine was something i never considered or questioned, but in the hardest of ways i have learned life is everything but something to call my own. we cannot plan our births and through unexplainable experience, the death i planned or suddenly decided on did not occur. accepting the idea surrounding my lack of control is still a struggle.

this is hard

sobering

and quite frankly, this fucking sucks.

but every breath we are undeservingly given will be one i try not to take for granted.

in the most beautiful of all ways, i almost missed the simple glory of her wings. somewhere, i was given breath enough to finally see. for this, nothing could replace my thankfulness.

the black velvet bow of time

i found within myself the crevices and reality

feeding swollen veins with unrequited heartache,

embracing the comfort held beneath the dull photographs [i call home]

ticking hands pounded violently between my saddened ears

branding each page of recollection with staggered syllables

tugging and prodding at the deception masked within your name

 

the memories became tangible and frail, i stood at a distance

visiting every instance of unpromise’s rapturous kiss

and watched as his hands united the black velvet bow

the crevices swallowed the loss of heartache’s scars

and plucked the crumbs of a poisoned lover’s foolish mess

 

but,

i cannot bask beneath the rays of instances and photographs

for shadows mask the quiet wings of crevices and letting go

instead, i nestle in the arms of loneliness

finding forever in a day

 

“Writing, at its best, is a lonely life. Organizations for writers palliate the writer’s loneliness, but I doubt if they improve his writing. He grows in public stature as he sheds his loneliness and often his work deteriorates. For he does his work alone and if he is a good enough writer he must face eternity, or the lack of it, each day.” -Ernest Hemingway

march holds no diary for shadows

she stepped amongst the greenest blades

sun pounding on her youthful skin, eyes closed,

finding grace in the warmth which embraces heavy hearts

love

the sun brings healing to those who seek life, expelling diamond beads of anguish

gravity softly weighs down and they tumble gently off her forehead

crashing into the grassy forest below, comforting aching bones

march holds no diary for the shadow cast to those who stand tall

Freedom found within a crowded room.

Freedom.

my lil sis

And the greatest of all fears stems from the battle we wage upon ourselves.  Exposing oneself to complete vulnerability allows us to examine the naked truths and mold vain deceptions into what defines us – allowing us to see the exquisite beauty found beneath every imperfection.  Conquering one’s self mirrors impossibility and stands as the most cunning fabrication, a lie which leads to the greatest of all torments: The prison we’ve created beneath our flesh.

All false judgment and negativity leave no stain on the soul of freedoms victories.

For a man to conquer himself is the first and nobelist of all victories.” -Plato

passion – nowhere but here

love.

love.

Describing the absolute rapture, claiming all sense of reality, is absurd and unattainable – when i’m lost within the nothingness of passion, I close my eyes and melt into the hands of music.  There is nowhere else i’d rather be.

“One good thing about music, when it hits you, you feel no pain”

-Bob Marley